It’s funny, I set this blog up and even named it with a clear intention – to share my unfiltered journey in the hopes of inspiring or more realistically, commiserating! What have I done? I look back at one of my first blog posts I did on here and giggle a bit. How impersonal, accurate and academic. But you know what, it got me started. It got me writing. You have to start somewhere and let your courage and voice catch up with you. I’m not there yet, but I’m on my way.
My posts have been very guarded and on occasion I have let my real self through, but not to the extent I was intending. In reflection, it’s interesting that I used the term “journey” in my description. The Dawn that started this would have thought that word was a bit airy and fluffy. Truth is I have been on a journey, but have really kept it to myself and a few, trusted individuals. What stopped me from sharing? Fear of betrayal, fear of not having all the answers, being seen as “less than” and showing any sign of vulnerability.
You know what, screw the rules.
Screw the limiting thoughts. Screw what the generalized Everybody I have formed in my head thinks. I don’t have all the answers, and that’s ok. That’s exciting. My curious mind thrives on not knowing everything. Without vulnerability, there is no joy. Who wants to live without joy? Not this girl.
I am on a journey and I love it. I have grown up swinging and spent my entire life living from the neck up (spending way too much time in my head). In the process, I missed out on developing other parts of me. I’ve only been part of a person. Watch out!
Do you want to know something else I love? Pink. That’s right, I said it. My most hated and rejected color for my entire life. Even as a child I refused to wear pink. I wrongly associated pink with being girly, less than, not smart, touchy/feeling, ridiculous and demeaning. Wow, all of that from a color?!
Do you know what made me realize my love of pink? My daughter, Avery, who turned three today. She LOVES pink and she was born that way, truthfully. I always thought it was nurture, not nature, but I can assure you it is nature in this case. Avery proved me wrong (and not for the last time, I hope). She doesn’t embody any of the attributes I associated with pink. She is brazen, strong, smart, challenging, silly and full of life.
I’m so excited for what comes next. I don’t know where this road will ultimately take me, but I find more pieces of the puzzle each day.